Well, I think I legitimately felt the baby move last night as I was lying in bed. The first movement felt like a big, rectangular bubble pop across my whole abdomen. Then it just kind of kept happening. I knew it wasn’t gas because, well, nothing came out. It was the first time I didn’t really have any doubt. I even put my hand on my abdomen and I could feel it. I tried to wake up my husband, but he was out like a log.
I wish I could report it was a magical feeling, as I’ve heard so many describe. It is with some trepidation that I admit, in all honesty, it was very, very weird for me. Very strange. Felt, a little, gulp, alien. Like there was something (someone!) inside me wanting to get out. I actually didn’t really like it and wanted it to stop.
Does this make me a terrible mama? I’m SOOOO grateful for this gift. God knows my heart. He knows how badly I wanted this experience. How many times I cried myself to sleep asking for this, begging for this. I want this pregnancy. I want it to continue. I want this child. I want to connect to this child growing inside of me. I have no doubt I will as soon as he/she comes out, but I was hoping that the baby movement would be a step in that direction. Sigh. Feeling a little inadequate at the moment.