A good friend of mine is embarking upon the embryo adoption journey for the first time.
She’s scared. She’s nervous. She’s excited. She’s optimistic. She’s pessimistic. She’s realistic. And she needed someone to talk to. And, her donors needed someone to talk to.
While I can absolutely walk alongside her on this path I’ve journeyed ahead of her, I wouldn’t know the first thing to say to her donors, who also felt very scared, nervous, excited, optimistic, pessimistic, realistic.
So, I texted our donors and asked if they would be willing to talk to her donors. I knew without hesitation that they would. And they did. My friend’s donors now have others who can walk alongside them on this path that my donors have journeyed ahead of them. And that is just beyond cool to me.
The adoption community is pretty small. And it’s intimate and well-connected. I had the privilege of meeting other women on the adoption journey that I now consider friends and in whose lives I am deeply invested. But perhaps even more important, my children also have a community that is intimate and well-connected through these other children who have been where they are. Felt similar emotions. Experienced similar thought processes. Encountered similar people to whom they had to battle cancerous misconceptions about the adoption process. I’m grateful a community like that exists for them.
And if you are considering adoption, in whatever form, there is someone YOU can talk to as well. A donor, a recipient, a birthmom, a birthfather, an adoptive family. You don’t have to go at this alone, and you would be doing yourself a great disservice if you did.
As an aside, there is a new series on the Oxygen channel called “I’m Having Their Baby.” I’ve only seen two episodes, but it is a raw look into the hearts and minds of birthmoms and adoptive families. I have not been disappointed in their portrayal of adoption; quite to the contrary. It doesn’t shy away from the hard emotions that both sides feel, and yet it is respectful of each side’s journey.
This show is just one more example that adoption has changed so much in the last few decades. Adoption is not secretive. It’s not shameful. It’s not something to whisper about. It’s something to celebrate. To honor. To seek to understand and respect those who have journeyed through it. And know that if you want to take that leap of faith, you will have someone who can take your hand and jump too.