This to me is a very personal decision. I understand and know all the benefits to an
open adoption, but closed adoption was what felt right for us. After starting the embryo adoption process, we considered both options and weighed the pros and cons. There are many benefits to an an open adoption. The child will know their biological birthparents, and possibly sibling(s). The child will have better access to their medical history.
But as you can see from my previous blogs, I believe God speaks to our heart and
directs us which way to go. It is up to us to follow. Josh and I felt led to adopt using
closed embryos from the start of this process.
Proverbs 3:6 says, “In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct thy paths.”
Isaiah 30:21 states, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a
voice behind you, saying, “This is the way”.
Even though I had a peace about closed adoption, I still struggled with the decision on
several occasions. The struggle was because I was fighting against what my heart was telling me. I was trying to talk myself into what seemed to be the most “politically correct” thing to do. I would say, we are denying our child the right to know his or her biological parents. But still, closed adoption had felt right. I would say, we are denying
our child access to more information about their medical history. But still, closed adoption just felt right.
Josh didnʼt struggle with the decision like I did. Josh would remind me “we didnʼt decide
for the child not to know his or her biological parents, the donating parents already
made that decision.” He would remark “closed” embryos have as much right to be born
as “open” embryos. The biological parents lovingly gave these embryos up so that they
wouldnʼt be frozen indefinitely. He would state closed embryos were children too,
waiting to be born. Waiting to ride bicycles, and eat ice cream cones, and play t-ball.
Whatʼs most important is that these children were desperately wanted. Desperately
wanted by biological parents who had to undergo medical intervention that created
more embryos than they could care for. Children they loved too much to destroy or see
donated to medical science.
These children are also desperately wanted by the adopting parents. Parents who want children so badly, as to have to undergo medical intervention for this process to be possible. I use the term child or children when speaking of embryos. Although, not all embryos become children, all children were once embryos.
I came to realize that, even though, I know my biological family, there is so much about
my medical history that I do not know. And though, I have biological parents and a
brother, whom I love, we couldnʼt be more different at times.
All embryos, or should I say children, deserve a chance to be loved. The choice
between open or closed adoption truly is a personal decision. I know from my first
ultrasound picture at 6 weeks with my baby, I was in love. It felt like it was the child God had planned for us all along.
I trust in His provision that after this child is born, He will guide us should a medical
need arise, just as He has done through out this whole process. I pray this child will be
so deeply in love with us, as we are him, that when the time comes for him to wonder
about his biological parents, it will not overshadow the life we provided for him. His
identity will be defined by who he becomes, not by his genes.