A LETTER TO JOHN LUKE


I can’t wait to meet you. It won’t be long now, just 12 days until my due date. Your dad and I are so excited, we have been getting ready for your arrival for some time now. Today we put up the Christmas tree, your very first, so it would be here when we bring you home. I put your Baby’s First Ornament on the tree that your grandmother, Babo, bought you.

I picture your face everyday. Your sweet, sweet face. I’ve come to know you through ultrasound pictures. I can’t wait to hold you. To touch you. I still can’t believe you will be mine. Will you know my voice? Will you know that I am your mom? Will you know how long I’ve waited for you?

What can I tell you, to let you know, how much you are loved and wanted. My heart ached for you, wondering when you would come into my life. Who would you be?

This week, while preparing for your arrival; I came across some prayer journals that I had written, some time ago, while praying to God for you.

Jan 16, 2008

Lord, I thank You that Josh is through with school and that we made it. We are now more than a year over graduation, and we praise You for that.

Lord, we thank You for bringing us to Tennessee. We love it here and are meeting a community of friends. We thank You for our health and our family. We pray for a child of our own, and pray You will show us Your will in this.

We praise You for who You are, and for the sacrifice of Your Son, so that we may be free to live in Christ.

Aug 1, 2008

Thank You Lord for Joshua, my dearest husband. I don’t need to be everything to everybody, because I am everything to him. Thank You for the security and stability he gives me. Thank You for him loving me so much.

Thank You for Your love for me. For dying on the cross for me. For loving me, even when I don’t give You the praise You deserve. I blame You for things in my life, like not having a child. Help me to trust, even when I do not understand. Help me to have faith in things I cannot see. To trust in the future and to trust in Your will. To be patient and wait on Your answer. Guide us, oh Lord, to have a child on our own, or if it is your will for us to adopt, guide us, Oh Lord, because we don’t know which way to go.

Send us a child to love. To love and protect, and to watch grow. For a child to teach to love You, oh Lord, as we do. Even though we may not always show it, in the ways we need to.

Aug 18, 2008

Lord, thank you, for my house and family. Thank You for our church family, and the friends we have met here. I know You have brought us here. Thank You for the peace You have given me. I pray You keep restoring my peace, and helping me to focus on all the wonderful blessings I have.

Our mind is full of what we focus on. Lord, help me to focus on all the positive blessings in my life. Things can bother or deter us if we focus our minds on the wrong things.

We pray for a child of our own, and pray that You will show us Your will in this. We praise You for who You are, and the sacrifice of Your Son, so that we may be free to live in Christ.

My sweet child, these are just some random thoughts that I wrote down, when I didn’t know how much longer my heart would feel emptiness without you. When I didn’t know when you would come, or how we would find you.

And now, you will be here so soon. I can’t wait to meet you, to hold you in my arms.
Until then, my dear sweet son, my heart still longs for you.

I love you precious one,

Mommy

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