EMPTY ARMS

It’s hard to believe around this time one year ago, we were just finding out we were pregnant. I have to admit, I don’t remember the exact date, but I think it was March 22, 2012. Probably the most surreal moment of my life.

People often ask if we want more children. I hadn’t even left the hospital after giving birth to John Luke, and I was already thinking about wanting more children. My whole pregnancy and birth experience was so amazing. The love I felt while carrying him, and the love I had for this little one after he was born; started me thinking almost immediately about wanting more, just like him.

Then reality sets in, as the sleepless nights begin. I would ask myself, “How do women with twins or triplets do it?” If I am truthful with myself, even during those nights of every two hour feedings; I was already dreaming of more children.

If you’re reading this, you are most likely on your own infertility journey. I know, I was one of you. While on my quest to have a child, I also read these blogs. I had researched options for third party reproduction when all else seemed hopeless. That’s when I came across the NEDC.

My heart aches if you are reading this with empty arms. I hope you find it encouraging, rather than discouraging; as I post, that we are hoping to “try again” for more children toward the end of the year. I remember how empty I had always felt, when women would announce their desires for more children; before their babies were even crawling. Now, I find myself doing the same.

My wish is to impassion you to persevere. That you will never give up on your dreams for a child, or a house full of children, if that is your desire. Embryo adoption was the path for a child, and God willing, children for us.

I believe if a child is the desire of your heart, God is already preparing the way. Many times we prayed, Lord, if a child is not Your will, then take this desire from our hearts. The desire only grew stronger until we had our precious baby boy.

We have not contacted the NEDC to start the process yet. As I said, it would most likely be toward the end of the year. We have been preparing our home-study update, which I will post about when completed. Josh and I will be 42 years young in a few months, so we don’t have time to wait. We want to have our family completed by the time I “age out” which is at 45 years young.

Josh and I trust that God is again preparing the way.

Psalm 128:3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.

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2 thoughts on “EMPTY ARMS

  1. Thank you for your words of encouragement. My husband and I have been on the infertility journey nine years. It’s been a hard road, but God has sustained us through it. We have a wonderful marriage and will be celebrating ten years this November. Throughout this journey I have asked God so many times, why do you put this desire to have children in my heart and then make it so incredibly difficult? Early in our journey we endured a misdiagnosis of why we weren’t getting pregnant and being treated for it only to realize after three years what the true reason was, I have gone through two surgeries for the treatment of endometriosis which was the real problem, we have endured fertility drugs and timing intercourse around business trips, we have endured a job lay off at the height of the recession, we have endured our real estate investment in an apartment building being decimated from the housing crash which greatly reduced our financial ability to pursue adoption (we were able to finally sell it a few months ago), and I have had to cope with my husband’s waning desire to have children due to financial fears. However, that has greatly improved now that we’ve been able to sell that rental and he has been in his new job for over three years. Last year I looked into embryo adoption and asked my husband how he’d feel about that. His eyes got misty and he said he’d like that option because we’d be able to experience pregnancy, birth and raising the baby as if the baby was from our own bodies. We just began a home study and submitted our application to NEDC! I’m so excited. At long last I feel like God is finally opening the doors for us to have a family. I pray that a year from now we will be expecting a precious little one that we can love and call our own.

  2. Hi Kerry. Congratulations on ten years of marriage this November. Sorry to hear about your struggles, but glad things are looking up for you and your hubby. I teared up when I read your story because Josh and I will be celebrating 12 years of marriage this November, six of that included our infertility journey. I don’t know if you ready my first blog (Acceptance to Elation), but never did I imagine when we submitted our NEDC application in March of 2011 that by March of 2012 we would be pregnant. I remember the excitement and (frustrations) of getting our homestudy completed not knowing exactly what to expect, but trusting that BIG plans were in store for us. We had tried everything and still had this desire to keep going! To not stop until a child, some way or another, was to come into our life. And now we know the reason we were led to persevere. His name is John Luke and we have been so blessed by him. Embryo adoption truly is amazing. I look at this child and I can’t beliveive he is all ours. All thanks to technology, the NEDC, and these amazing people who decided to donate their embryos. Good luck on your journey through embryo adoption and the NEDC. Keep me posted on your progress if you would like. I would love to hear how things are going. I hope you will get that precious little one to call your own as well.

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