PERFECTIONISM IS OVERRATED

For those of you that have followed my previous blogs, you might know that I am ADHD, a slight perfectionist, with a little twist of OCD. I want to share some postings/or texts, I recently had with two friends.

This is a story from a childhood friend named Mary, who recently wrote the following:

“Sometimes I feel like my days turn into a story from the author of ‘You Give a Mouse a Cookie’ books. If you give Mary a vacuum cleaner she’ll vacuum, then a string will get wrapped around the vacuum. Then, she’ll bend down to untangle it, and notice how filthy the area rug is. Then, Mary will start to spot clean the rug. She gets so disgusted by how nasty the rug is, Mary decides to pull the whole rug up. She then decides she never really liked how her furniture was arranged, so she starts moving all her furniture around. One hour later everything is back where it started, minus the area rug. I blame my mom for these tendencies.:)”

So, dot dot dot… I am not alone.

Tamara decides to make cheese grits for a breakfast the following morning. Then, after baking a chicken and cooking dressing for dinner; Tamara decides to cook the grits in the microwave to save time. After realizing the grits have puffed-up, and no longer fit in the pan, Tamara decides to put them in a bigger pan- on the stove. Then, as the grits puff-up even more; and are not thoroughly cooked; the grits no longer fit in that pan either. Tamara decides to put them in yet another pan. Three pots, and a very messy countertop later, Tamara finally finishes the grits. Funny thing is: John Luke had just woke up and was ready for a bottle about the time we needed to leave to arrive on time. So we didn’t go. Now, I have a pot load of grits and a very messy kitchen to clean.

My other friend Kelly who has twins a few months older than John Luke, sends me a text saying:

“I’m exhausted. Downstairs basement: I’ve vacuumed, swept laundry room, washed and dried 5 loads laundry. Upstairs: cleaned oven, pans, dishes, bottles, countertops, refrigerator, swept twice, changed kiddos sheet where pee’d, changed bedroom sheet, fed kids 4xs, changed a dozen diapers, and pumped. Trying to gets things as they were pre-pregnancy.”

To that I replied. “Perfectionism is overrated. Trust me, I know.”

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NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP

Okay, so in a previous blog, I mentioned other babies John Luke’s age are sleeping through the night. Well, two babies are his age, the other baby is a month or so older. But still, they are all sleeping through the night.

Ughhh! Sleep apparently crimps my little man’s style. I feed on demand. Mostly bottle. He only likes to breastfeed when he is really tired such as before a nap, or in the middle of the night. I’ve had people say their child was sleeping through the night at two months, and others say their child didn’t sleep through the night until two years of age. Every child is different.

My friend suggested I try feeding at 3:00, 7:00, and 11:00. I thought this would help me get him on a schedule. Wank, wank wank. He would either be too hungry to wait until the next feeding time and be inconsolable, or would only eat about 2-3 oz and be hungry two hours later. I am not a big fan of the cry-out method, so I would usually cave, although it was not time for a full feeding.

For that reason I am trying to feed him every four hours, whatever time that may be. Keep him awake, as long as possible, and then put him down for a nap. During the night, he will occasionally sleep five hours before time for the next feeding.

Typically, he is ready for a bottle around 8:30pm, and falls to sleep around 9:30 or 10:00pm. Up again sometime between 12:30-2:30am, and again around 6:30am, depending on when he had his bottle during the night. Then, he wakes up for the duration around 8:30am. He takes 20-30 minute power naps during the day every 2-3 hours, but sometimes they last as few as 15 minutes.

I am hoping to get him on a regular feeding and sleeping schedule soon. My lactation consultant advised against putting him on a regimented schedule. She said that he will tell you when he is ready to eat. However, it will be sweet to have some regularity in our day.

Otherwise, life is good in the Foster household. BTW, the baby is finally sleeping! Life is real good.

SPRING FORWARD

Spring is a time of renewal. The grass turns from drab brown to lush green. The leaves on the trees transform from barren to plentiful. The animals go from hibernating to frolicking. Spring awakens the soul from a long winter’s nap.

I start thinking about Spring-cleaning, working-out, planting flower beds, and so on. I also think about how springtime renews my mind. Just as we have to clean-out old files from our inbox, we have to clean-out the clutter from our hearts and minds as well. Spring reminds me to do just that. To enjoy the beauty and warmth that surrounds me.

Last week, I posted about being “Good Enough.” I think this is something we all struggle with, some more than others. For me it is situational, like when I get caught up in comparisons, or feeling like, I have not done a task to the best of my ability. I start over analyzing the situation, and start thinking about what I would do differently.

There’s that word again, THINK. Spring reminds me to stop thinking, and start doing. To spring forward. Isn’t it fitting that when we re-set our clocks during the time change, we use the term Fall backwards and Spring forward.

While I was going through my infertility, my sister-n-law sent me an encouraging note saying, “There is a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to harvest.” Now that my precious son is born, I’m in a new season of life.

Going forward should be a time to plant, and a time to harvest. A time to reap, and a time to sow. A time for me to plant seeds: So others can learn from where I have been…

New opportunities will arise. I simply need to spring forward with hope and joy of what lies ahead. Not what has past.

Now is a time to heal….., a time to build up….., a time to laugh….., a time to dance….., and a time to embrace.

GOOD ENOUGH

God has caused a “stirring” in my heart lately. A series of events caused me to think that I was not juggling my new role as a mom, as well as, I should be doing. Well, let me say as well as, I have thought other new moms are doing.

We live in a performance based culture. If you’re like me, you often place value of yourself in how well you, or the people around you think you are doing.

I am not good enough, I tell myself.

“Other babies John Luke’s age are sleeping through the night. I am not doing a good job at getting him on a schedule.” I am not good enough, I tell myself.

“I wasn’t prepared for that meeting, I’m not juggling my responsibilities as a volunteer and as a mom.” I am not good enough, I tell myself.

“I don’t think she responded positively to my actions, I should have done that differently.”
Again, I am not good enough, I tell myself.

God has been revealing to me, that often it is not my performance that is lacking. Many times, my thoughts are what need tweaking. If we live our lives in comparison to other people, we will often fall short and never fully realize our potential. We will never truly become the person God specifically designed us to be.

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

We can learn from those who have stronger abilities, and strive to do better in the future. Use their strengths as a learning tool, and know that your strengths may be different. When we place our worthiness, in comparing our performance to another, it causes us to create doubts in our own abilities.

A thought keeps coming to my mind. That I am “set apart” to do the will of my Father. I need to live for Him, and not for what other people think of me. Nor, should I place my value in how well I performed, on a particular task, on a given day.

God is speaking to my heart, that I don’t need to feel defeated every time something doesn’t go as planned. That if we stay “bogged down” in wishing we could get a do-over, every time we fall short of perfection; Satan will use that to keep us from reaching our fabulous and fully capable self.

So, be you, be fab. You are more than Good Enough. I am too.

IN HIS TIME


In His time, in His time
He makes all things beautiful, in His time
Lord, please show me every day, as You’re teaching me Your way
That You do just what you say
In Your time.

In Your time, in Your time
You make all things beautiful, in Your time
Lord, my life to You I bring, may each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time

John Luke was dedicated to the Lord in Holy Baptism today. Praise be to God.
What a perfect way for our family to celebrate Easter. I remember being so excited last Easter, as we had recently gotten the news that we were pregnant, and we were due with our baby around Christmas time. The two most significant holidays of the Christian faith.

Josh’s mom made John Luke’s baptismal gown that she had started hand sewing eight years ago knowing one day we would want to start a family. She completed the gown after we announced our pregnancy, and gave it to us at our baby shower.

Josh wanted John Luke to be dedicated on Easter because of the significance of Easter to our faith. Also, many of the people in our church who had prayed for us would be there to witness the occasion.

My mom and step dad, Josh’s parents and brother, along with his wife and four kids came to our house to celebrate the baptism and to spend Easter. We also asked two families to be Godparents to John Luke. If you have read my previous blogs, you will know who I am referring to, when I say we asked our “baby mama”, to be a Godmother. She is our friend whom we did an IVF cycle using her oocytes; then while researching donor IVF, we found the NEDC.

The other Godparents are a couple who could not have children. Since Josh and I know the void of not having children, we wanted them to have a special bond with John Luke, that they might not otherwise have with a child. They were also the couple who referred us to the doctor we used during our IVF with our donor.

It seems everything has come full circle since going through IVF with our donor. It truly was in God’s time. The song ‘In His Time’ was sung at John Luke’s baptism today.

He makes all things beautiful, In His Time.
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