TO LOSE IS TO GAIN

During my six years of infertility, I had packed on about twenty-five pounds.  Much of the weight gain was from emotional eating, craving something I didn’t have.  That something was a child.  That something was a family to call my own.  I’d love to chalk it up to being on infertility drugs for so many years.  Some of that is true.  But, if I am honest with myself, much of the weight gain was due to poor choices. 

 

Yes, the emotional roller coaster of infertility (and the hormonal effects of the drugs) did contribute to the weight gain, but let’s keep it real.  I craved comfort foods.  And, comfort I would find.  Temporarily.  I think I was under a false sense of security, too, because I walked everyday.  “I’ll just walk this one off.”  I would tell myself.

 

It happens slowly.  Weight gain.  A pound here, a pound there.  You don’t notice as much, when you put it on a little at a time.  There was a void in my life that could not be filled.  Sometimes sweets and good cooking were substitutes for those lonely places.  Loneliness from times, such as being at a cookout where everyone would have their little ones, and me and Josh would be the only childless couple there. 

 

I actually lost weight during pregnancy.  Having gestational diabetes forced me to be conscientious about my diet, for the health of the baby.  I limited sweets and carbs, and incorporated more protein and fiber into each meal.  Also, I didn’t have much of an an appetite while pregnant.  I felt so full from the baby pushing on my belly, I would eat smaller meals.  To keep my bloodsugar from dropping, I’d eat a protein bar, nuts, or wheat crackers as in-between meal snacks.

 

My friend commented, I was the only girl she knew that looked like they had just done a P90X video, after having a baby.  (I love that friend , I think I will keep her)!  I was ALMOST as skinny after giving birth, as I had been in college.  But since the birth, I have started to put some of the weight back on slowly.  A little at a time.  So, I have to be careful to keep it off, this time for good. 

 

Now that I have John Luke, the void is gone.   And so is the diabties.  I still walk almost everyday, but I am adding in zumba classes and strength training with weights.  Josh and I have been cooking healthier meals for dinner, eating earlier, and cutting our portions. 

 

I have many new reasons to keep the weight off.  The best motivation is this precious little boy that I want to be able to keep up with.  I will be 52 when he is 10.  (Not that I am complaining, just sayin…:) 

 

I want to play ball with him, and run around, and play chase with him.  I have so much to live for, so many reasons to stay healthy, and so much joy! 

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